


Unwanted Bonds

by Blackdragon



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gore, Implied Mpreg, Implied Slash, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2419820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackdragon/pseuds/Blackdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They wanted to save Raphael. But when they return home, they bring back more than expected. Dark and possibly disturbing content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Weeks

It had been weeks.

It had been too long since their brother was taken, and Leonardo had to fight down his own, unfamiliar impatience with more effort than he liked to admit. His remaining two brothers were equally eager to speed things up and finally, finally rescue their missing sibling.

They were vibrating with desperate impatience and Leonardo, as their leader, was struggling hard to distribute the needed calm and patience to make sure they wouldn't fail.

Messing this up would jeopardize Raphael's life, as well as their own. And that simply could not happen.

No. This needed to go smoothly, quick and with all the ninja stealth they could muster. This lab was a labyrinth and plastered with surveillance. It had taken Donnie days to find a route in. And a way to get them all back out. After all, there was no way of telling in what condition their brother was. Discouraging as it was, they had to plan a way out they could manage while carrying their fourth brother.

Shaking his head to clear it of such thoughts, Leonardo focused back on the task at hand.

The way in. It was ridiculously easy. It was an old building, there were spaces and ducts between the walls, no surveillance.

In the best of cases, this would be their route back out as well. Narrow spaces, they had to crawl and climb a few times, but it was easy enough to get through if one could walk.

'If' being the keyword.

If Raph wasn't in a condition to walk on his own, if they had to carry him, they'd never fit through the walls.

But first things first. They needed to find him. Then, they could decide on how to go back home.

Leonardo sighed silently. This was so easy. He didn't want to say 'too easy', because there still was too much to deal with later. But all of this could have been over with weeks ago, if they had just found Raphael sooner. Bishop's men had hidden him so well for so long that it felt like a blow to the guts to think how simple it now was to get to him.

Shaking his head, Leo focused back on the task at hand, concentrating on his steps.

They moved noiselessly, climbing their way down to the level where Raphael was held.

Soon enough they were in a small space just above their targeted location, scanning for personnel and structures, possible dangers and... and Raph through the thin grate separating them from the room.

It was strange how much it all felt like routine. They had snuck into so, so many facilities, infiltrated buildings, had gone through the same tactics time and time again, so often that Leonardo was hit by a strange sense of dizziness and surrealism.

Warm fingers touched at his shoulder and he snapped back to attention, meeting two pairs of concerned eyes. Donatello nodded downwards, pointing to a small cubicle in the corner of the room. It was a cell, no, a cage, and Leo caught a glimpse of a green leg as it shifted in and out of sight.

Good.

Very good.

Raphael was there. And he was alive.

That was something. He nodded at his brothers and took a steadying breath. There still was no clue about the condition of their captured brother, but he was alive and moving. That was good.

Still, they had to wait, prepare their next move carefully, they couldn't risk someone calling for help or setting off an alarm.

Three men in lab coats were the only people around and it didn't look like there were more to expect for the moment. Also good. Three were manageable.

Quietly, Donatello reached into the leather bag he carried, rummaging through ts contents. They had brought everything they could carry, from smoke pellets to sleeping gas, some flare guns and – on Mikey's insistence – a handful of fireworks for distraction. In here, though, none of them would do much good, even the sleeping gas might set off some detector or invisible alarm. And with Raphael in the room, they couldn't risk the gas, either.

In the end, Donnie pulled out the tranquilizer gun and a few darts.

Leonardo sent him a short look, needing no words to ask. Could Donnie do it quick enough?

He received a short, sure nod and moved out of the way, trusting his taller brother with this. It was tricky. Donnie had to hit three people with three darts, reloading the gun quick enough to knock all three of them out before they could do anything.

Donatello moved to the front, placing his equipment in easy reach and allowing himself a moment to focus and watch the men below. They were seated in front of large screens, all of them typing away at something. They seemed to be pretty much drawn in to whatever they were working on. Perfect. It would give Donnie the needed few seconds to reload before they could react and reach an alarm.

At least, that was what he hoped.

Aiming the gun, Donatello took a breath and held it, firing the first shot.

It was near noiseless, a simple, short whoosh of displaced air, then it hit. By the time the first dart met its target, Donatello had already reloaded, shooting a second and then the final dart with acute precision. There was a short moment of startled confusion, before the first man swayed and dropped.

Really, Leonardo eyed the leftover darts in the box and shook his head, those things were gold. They took effect within mere seconds and after a few moments to make sure all men were out cold, they pushed open the grates, climbing down and immediately moving to block the doors.

Leonardo rushed over to Raphael's cell, pressing both palms to the glass separating them. “Raph!”

Raphael looked back at him with wide, startled eyes, a look of disbelief written all over his features, and Leo gave a small smile. “Don't worry, we'll get you out of there in a second.” That smile, however, did not last long. The more he took in of his brother's state, the more worry etched itself into his features.

Raphael looked pale, exhausted, dark shadows making his vivid green eyes glow almost eerily. There were what looked to be fresh, heavy bandages around his middle, the slightest bit of pink seeping through, and Leonardo swallowed thickly. There were other, smaller injuries on him as well. Suddenly, all the horrible what-ifs came flooding his mind.

But Leonardo shook them off.

No time for that now. Already, Michelangelo was searching the unconscious men for possible key-cards, while Donatello was at one of the computers, trying to see whether the cell could be opened with a program. It left Leo standing in front of Raphael's cell uselessly.

“Are you-...” He stopped himself. No...

No, Raphael was not alright. He could see as much. Instead, he asked. “Can you walk, Raph? There's an easy way back out, but...”

Raphael still stared at him, as if still not really comprehending what was going on.

Before another word could be spoken, there was a click and hiss, startling the both of them, as the glass door snapped open. Donatello was there just a moment later, pushing the doors to the side. “Hey Raph, ready to go home?” He asked gently.

Mikey came over as well, grinning brightly as always. “Man, Raph, you owe us a month's worth of pizza! Leo wouldn't let us order any while you were gone!” It was a valiant try, really. Mikey simply doing his best to try and coax a response out of their oddly quiet brother with some teasing.

It didn't work.

At the very least, though, Raphael finally started to move, seeming to come back to his senses and catch up to what was happening. His motions were sluggish, weak, and Leonardo didn't think twice about helping him. When he reached out to pull him him up, tough, the younger pushed him away with a sigh, before climbing to his feet by himself “Took you long enough.”

One hand went to the thick bandages, pressing against them lightly.

Donatello's voice was soothing and worried when he spoke, despite the need to hurry. “Raph... look, we're sorry it took us so long... but we really need to get going. Can you walk?” He gave an encouraging little smile. “Let's go home.”

“Home...” Something seemed to click in Raphael's head and the remaining three brothers were left staring in confusion as he started looking around frantically, snapping out of the strange, sedate state he had been in. Turning bright, green eyes back at his brothers, he pointed to a large drug locker.

“Donnie, get those blue boxes! Lots of them! We need lots!”

Confused, three pairs of eyes stared at Raphael. “What? Raph, we need to leave, and quick!” Leonardo moved to grab his arm, pull him along, if need be, but Raphael avoided his touch once more.

“No, Leo! Just... just take those boxes, I need to...” He went over to a large, wired contraption, a glass-covered metal box, wires and tubes leading into it, to push open the heavy looking cover. A shaky sigh bubbled from his lips, sounding so relieved that Leonardo instantly worried even more.

Something was horribly off and it just kept getting worse.

“Raph, we need to hurry. We need to-” A sharp glare shut him up pretty effectively, the hot anger directed at him felt like an actual punch. “Raph...”

“I'm not leaving without it.” He looked back over at Mikey and Donnie. “What are you waiting for?! Grab the damn boxes!”

The two of them exchanged a look, but went to get a few of those unlabeled cartons into the bag Donnie had been carrying. There wasn't much space left, but they managed to squeeze a few of them inside. “Raph, dude, what exactly are we packing?” Mikey piped up, just as confused and worried as the other two.

Leonardo just watched, frowning, as Raphael returned to the glass and metal box, leaning half into the strange contraption and picking up a small bundle from within, wrapped in a sheet. Then, finally, he turned back to them to answer.

“It's formula.”

All motion ceased.

Strangely enough, it was Mikey who opened his mouth first. “...Formula? Like in... baby formula?” Something in Raphael's features changed, he tensed, defensively, but gave a short nod.

“Just get as many of them as you can.” He said, voice grave and quiet and something clicked in Leonardo's mind. It seemed to catch on to his brothers as well, as all of their eyes dropped to the wrapped-up thing in Raphael's arms.

The 'thing' moved, as if on some sort of cue and shifted, the sheet parting to reveal one tiny, tiny hand.

A green, three-fingered little hand, weakly grasping at white fabric.


	2. Chapter 2

A baby.

Leonardo still struggled to wrap his mind around that fact.

They had gone to take home their brother, but they came back with much, much more than that. Blue eyes turned back to where Raphael walked, slowly but stubbornly, behind him. He had refused help so vehemently, that none of his brothers had dared offer any support again.

Raphael was quiet, which, in itself, was worrying, but Leo figured they could work on that once they were back at home.

Only a little further and they'd be safe.

The way back home had been simple so far. With Raphael able and pretty insistent that he could walk, they had snuck back out the way they had gone in and by the time they heard the alarms start to blare, they were already in a safe distance.

By now, they were in the sewers and so close to their lair that finally, Leonardo's thoughts were sorting themselves back out. With the danger slowly ebbing away with each undisturbed step closer to home, there now was room for new worries.

There was a baby.

Raph was cradling the sleeping infant to his chest, despite his injuries and exhaustion, he insisted on walking alone, carrying the little bundle himself. Leonardo's eyes lowered to the bandages around Raphael's middle and the slowly spreading patch of pink and red spreading on them.

Sighing, Leo cast his eyes to his taller brother, whispering under his breath. “Donnie, once we're back-”

“I'll have a look at them, don't worry. He's probably been through a lot. He just needs some time to recover. We'll manage this.” No word about the baby and Leo knew this little fact hadn't quite hit home with either Donatello or Michelangelo.

How much he wanted to believe his smart brother, though. But he had a feeling this couldn't be fixed with just a bit of rest.

Before his thoughts could darken and fester, thankfully, they rounded the corner to the lair's main entrance. Mikey immediately bounced to the front. “I'll go make dinner! Or order dinner. Yes, order! I want pizza!” He was sing-songing as he jumped over the turnstiles and towards the kitchen.

Despite himself, Leo had to smile, feeling a shred of normalcy in his youngest brother's excitement.

Next to him, Donatello sighed, looking at a still silent Raphael. “Raph, come to my lab, I'll look after your wounds, okay? And you can tell me what happened, hm?” He tried to reach for his shoulder, offer a comforting touch, something to support his heavy step, but the reaction was everything but favorable.

Raphael jerked away, baring his teeth at Donnie with a slight growl. “Don't touch me!”

“Okay! Okay... easy there, Raph. Calm down. Come to my lab, we'll work something out.” Trust Donnie to keep his calm with this. Leo stopped when they had reached the living area, watching his two brothers.

“Donnie, you look after Raph, call me...” and he eyed his still silent brother. “If you need help. I'll go to master Splinter.”

Donatello nodded and led Raph to his laboratory, relieved to see that he was following without much of a fuss. After ushering him to sit on the exam table, Donnie moved to pick up some scissors and fresh bandages, some things to clean wounds with and some painkillers, just in case.

Sitting in front of Raph, he cast chocolate-colored eyes up at him. “Raph... will you let me look at your wounds?” He started softly, knowing how delicate his brother was right now. “And maybe I should have a look at... at... uhm...” he gave a weak nod to indicate the tiny being, safely cradled in strong arms.

“No!” Again, the strange hostility, and Donnie lifted his hands in an appeasing gesture. “Alright! Alright, okay. I won't touch the... the baby. I promise, I won't touch it, okay?” Raphael watched him, green eyes searching his face for sincerity.

He seemed to find it, for after another moment, he relaxed again, lowering his gaze to the still slumbering baby. Donatello watched as he brushed the sheet from its face, thumb ever so softly caressing over one chubby cheek. “Nobody will touch this child.”

Swallowing dryly, throat tight with the heaviness of his brother's voice, Donatello nodded. “I understand. I will not touch it. But at least, let me look at your wounds. You're bleeding. Please, Raph, just let me take a look.”

Thankfully, Raphael gave another nod, leaning back to lie on the table properly, the baby safely resting on his chest.

“Alright, Raph, I'll be careful. Tell me when anything hurts.” He reached for his scissors, starting to cut away the bandages carefully.

“Everything hurts....” The words were so quiet Donatello had to pause to hear them properly.

“I'm sorry, Raphie. I will try to make this quick. I can give you something for the pain, if you want.”

“Won't make any difference... just get it over with, I want to go and sleep in my own bed.”

Donnie wanted to protest that, wanted to tell him to take some pills and sleep here, where Donnie could watch over him, treat his wounds and make sure he was healing. But first things first. He needed Raphael's consent to at least have a look at his stomach wound and he went with that for now.

Cutting away the bandages, he peeled them away carefully. The sight that met him sent an icy shiver down his spine to settle heavy and horrible in his middle.

Surgery scars.

Right above and between the lowest scutes of Raph's plastron was a T-shaped, deep incision. It was fresh, but clean, precise, bleeding from where the stitches had opened slightly.

Donatello felt himself start to tremble, all the implications of those cuts running wild in his head. “Raph...”

“Shut up, genius. They didn't do anything. Still got all my organs, if that's what you're worried about.” He sounded droopy, exhausted, and Donatello couldn't blame him. Yet, he couldn't get over the damage that had been done to his brother.

“Raph! It's not nothing! They cut you open!”

“I'm fine! Just patch me up and let me go to bed.”

“Raph...”

“Donnie!”

The younger of the two gave a miserable little noise of protest, but caved in at the look Raphael sent him. His brother was dead tired, physically and mentally, and he was in pain. Questions could wait.

So, Donatello shook himself out of his moment of weakness and gave a soft nod. “I'm sorry, Raph. I'll fix you right up.” Turning in his seat, he picked up a few wads of gauze, gently and as carefully as possible cleaning up the little droplets of blood that had seeped from between the stitches. Donnie sighed. “The good news is, these look really clean. I will leave the stitches as they are, for about a week, then it should be healed enough to remove them.” he told him gently, equally carefully dressing the wound with fresh bandages.

Raphael just nodded.

A small, hiccuping noise startled them both, Raphael immediately repositioned the little bundle on his chest to have a better look and Donnie found himself genuinely surprised at the fact that he had completely forgotten about the infant right before him.

There was a moment of awed silence, as he watched his usually so angry brother's features smooth from a worried frown into a tiny, almost serene little smile.

It was so odd to see that Donnie was left staring dumbly as Raphael brushed soft fingertips over the baby's cheeks.

The moment was over soon enough, however, and Raphael began struggling to sit up. “Are we done?”

“Yes, for now. Uhm, Raph... shouldn't I have a look at... I mean, maybe the bab-” The harsh glare sent his way stunned Donatello into silence once more, the contrast to the smile just moments before frightening enough to make him draw back a bit.

“No. The little one's fine. There's no /need/ to do /anything/ to him.” Raph's voice warped with the underlying growl in it and once again, Donatello could just nod, slowly rising and stepping away from the table.

“I understand, Raph... I-... I'm done, you can go rest now.”

Gingerly, Raphael rose, gliding down from the table and making his way out of the lab and into his room with slow, unsteady steps.

Only after his door closed with a quiet click, Donatello unfroze, turning to clean up the used bandages and bloody gauze. His hands were trembling and he needed a few, steadying breaths. Okay. He was not going to be able to solve this dilemma on his own, so he stood and followed the scent of freshly fried potatoes and bacon to the kitchen.

It seemed like Michelangelo hadn't ordered pizza after all. Or he had simply decided something home-made was quicker and better for Raphael, instead of waiting for late-night pizza. Donnie found himself smiling at that. Mikey's cooking was the best and even Raph wouldn't deny the youngest if he worked his magic in the kitchen.

Sitting down at the table, he let his baby brother's happy humming ease his mind for a bit. The sheer never ending cheeriness and positivity was contagious and already, Donatello could feel himself calming down.

That was, until Leonardo appeared, stepping out of the dojo with a tight frown on his face.

The humming ceased and tension rose again, as Leo moved over to them, sitting down across from Donnie.

“Hey.” Leo sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “How's Raph?”

“He's... ah...” There was no simple way to answer such a simple question, so Donnie shrugged weakly. “His wounds aren't threatening, from what I can tell. There's... they've... they've performed some sort of surgery on him. But at the very least they've treated the wounds properly. I can't say what they did. Raph says they haven't...” acid rose in his throat and the tallest brother had to pause and swallow, the implications of the wounds and the knowledge that he had been with those scientists for weeks too much to stomach. He gagged.

“Donnie, easy there...” Leo was next to him, pushing a glass of water into his trembling fingers. “Easy. Take your time.”

Clutching the cool glass, Donatello closed his eyes, willing the sudden nausea to pass with even breaths. “I'm sorry, Leo... it's just...”

“Shh. Donnie. This is difficult for all of us. Take your time.” Leo's even voice always managed to calm him as well and after a few sips of water, Donatello felt a little better.

“He... Raph said they didn't... remove anything. He said they didn't do anything, but I'm not so sure. Though, he seemed fine enough from what I could see. There wasn't much he let me do. And the-...” It felt so odd to actually voice it. “The baby... he wouldn't let me have a look at it. I don't know anything about it.”

Leonardo nodded, sharing a small glance with Mikey, who had sat down by them as well.

Leo spoke again, calm, but both of his brothers could feel the slight tremble in his voice. This was hard on all of them. “I think we should let him rest for now. I'm sure Raph will tell us more when he's had time to recover and settle down.”

All nodded. Mikey blinked, then smiled and bounced back to the stove. “I'll bring him some food. He's always so grumpy when he's hungry, I bet he'll feel tons better after a proper meal.”

“Yes... but Mikey, don't bother him when he wants to be alone, okay?” The oldest smiled, but his words held a soft warning.

The youngest nodded eagerly, fully laden plate already in his hands. “I promise!” And then he was bouncing off, rushing to Raphael's room.

It left the remaining two brothers sitting at the table and blue eyes returned to Donatello's. The taller sighed. “So...”

“Try to keep Mikey busy...”

“And try to get Raph to talk and tell us what happened.”

Leonardo nodded and reached over to smooth a delightfully cool hand over his brother's fevered forehead. “But first, Donnie, you'll go get some rest as well. We need you in best shape.” Blue eyes softened to a sympathetic expression.

“I'm sorry you have to be so close to... that.”

Donnie shook his head. “We're all too close to it. I'll be okay. I just can't stop thinking about the possibilities, you know? What they might or might not have done to him. With his wounds, there's just so much-... so many things they...”

“Stop.” Leo sent him a firm, but gentle look. “Donnie, stop. They DID do things to him. But I want you to stop thinking about the what-ifs and wait for Raph to tell us. I know your mind and I know it'll be hard, but you can do it. If you want to, you can come meditate with me. Or you can try and just go to bed.”

Before the younger brother could answer, Mikey returned, the full plate still in his hands but now accompanied by a sad frown. “Raph said he wasn't hungry.” He said, putting the plate down next to the stove.

Donatello and Leonardo exchanged a look and Donnie smiled softly, rising to step over to comfort their baby brother. One arm came to circle freckled shoulders in a half-hug. “Hey, Mikey? I guess we both deserve a break. How about you and I play your new videogame. I bet I will double your score this time. One week of doing the winner's chores!”

Mikey just stared, confused, until slowly, his frown melted into a grin. “No way, dude! you'll do my chores for a week for sure!” Both chuckled and Leonardo watched them leave for the couch in the living area, to start up the game.

The oldest smiled a little, glad that they could at least find some momentary comfort with each other.

It was more than he would allow himself.

Instead of joining them, he stayed in the kitchen, only moving to prepare himself some tea. With things as they were, he knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. Not unless Raphael decided to come out and speak about what had happened to him. Speak about the little being he had brought home.

Already, Leo's mind was providing some very obvious answers and theories about the infant's origins.

None of them were very appealing.

He just hoped his brother would be able to relax, now that he was back home and safe. Raphael had always been somewhat aggressive around them, brotherly rivalry and his hot-headed nature had more than once led to fights and issues.

The uncanny aggression he now showed, concerning the baby, was different, Leonardo could tell.

Something about it struck a chord in him. It put him on edge and the only reason he wasn't yet in Raphael's room to demand answers was, that he still hoped it would be better in the morning.

After his brother had gotten some much needed rest and some time to readjust to being home.

A look at the clock told him it was already way into the early hours of morning. Without him realizing it, Donnie and Mikey had already retired to their rooms and were probably – hopefully – sleeping, and he suddenly had to swallow back a bitter taste rising in his mouth.

Sleep.

Shame filled him as he realized that he had slept nearly without troubles while Raphael was gone. Not at first, no, but after the first week, sleep had come as easy as ever. Looking back now, and realizing that there was a good chance his brother hadn't had an undisturbed night's rest for weeks and weeks on end, he felt a strange sort of guilt claim him.

Leo shook his head, rubbing at his burning eyes. He was tired and his mind wasn't functioning right.

A short, clicking noise spared him a descend into exhausted self-doubting and he turned his head towards the sound.

Much, much to his surprise, he found Raphael slipping out of his room, silently and slowly making his way over to the kitchen. It didn't seem like he had noticed Leonardo still sitting there.

It gave the oldest brother an opportunity for a quick once-over. 

Raph was walking slowly, gingerly moving his limbs forward. He was still in pain, then. In his arms, he was cradling the infant, now wrapped in a far cozier looking blanket. Raphael still hadn't noticed him, because he stopped after a few steps, leaning against the wall to steady himself, instead of pressing on right away.

Leo waited until he was moving again, before he gave a soft little cough to announce his presence.

Unsurprisingly, Raphael startled, turning wide, glowing green eyes to him. He also instantly stood up straighter, putting back on his mask of strength and invulnerability. Despite the display, Leo could see his wariness and hesitation.

“Hey, Raph.” He greeted softly, keeping his voice light and quiet as to not to upset his brother.

“...Hey. You're still up.” It almost sounded like an accusation, but Leonardo knew better than to take it personally. Likely, his younger brother had waited until everyone was asleep so he could move around the lair without being bombarded by questions and stares.

“Yes... I couldn't sleep. And neither could you, as it seems. Do you need anything?”

There was a dark flash in otherwise bright eyes and Leo forced himself to ignore that and keep the other questions to himself for now. Patiently, he stayed on his chair, not moving yet.

Warily, Raphael nodded his head once, lifting the small bundle in his arms higher, giving it a gentle bounce. “He's hungry.”

“Oh...” There was a sudden emptiness in his tired mind, he drew total blanks when he tried coming up with any sort of intelligent reply to that. Luckily, his brother went on and broke the awkward silence.

“Yeah. We got at least a few boxes of food... it'll last a while.” Hesitantly still, step by shaky step, Raphael moved closer to the kitchen, never quite leaving Leo out of his sight.

“Do you want me to help with anything? I could-”

“Just stay over there. We'll be fine. No need to worry... it's fine. I just need some water and a cup.” Not, that this behavior did anything to soothe Leonardo's worries any. On the contrary. This wasn't like Raphael at all, this skittish, nervous demeanor.

But, for now, Leo decided to sit back and let him have his way. Quietly, he watched as his brother pulled out the kettle and started to boil some water to prepare a meal for the baby.

Which, in itself, was odd enough that the older brother just knew he was staring at the scene before him like an utter idiot.

“We don't have a bottle...” he murmured, half to himself, but Raph heard. And the reaction to it was immediate and harsh.

“I KNOW we don't!” He spat, harsh anger making his entire body coil and tense and Leonardo jumped at the unexpected volume of his voice.

“I know we don't have any bottles! I had to nab a pipette from Donnie before. I can't simply NOT feed him, can I now?!” In reaction to the sudden noise around it, the little one gave a sad little hiccuping sound, followed by a thin wail and the anger in Raph's features evaporated into worry.

Leo didn't get a chance to answer, protest or apologize with how quickly he was forgotten in favor of the now squirming infant. “Shh, shh, shh... No, it's okay... Shh...” There was so much distress in the younger brother's face that it bordered on panic and Leonardo felt another stab of worry tightening his throat.

Ever so gently, Raphael tried lulling the little one back into calm, caressing the tiny face until the wailing started to fade into small mewls of displeasure.

“Raph...”

“Go away, Leo!”

Leo sighed and started to push back his chair to get up. “No, I won't. Raph, what's going on here? Look at you! You're-... I don't even know! And look at the- the baby! How did that even happen?” A large part of him realized he was definitely going too far and too quick, but the rest of him was exhausted and fed up with the entire situation.

His brother responded simply by giving a warning growl, a flash of teeth added for good measure.

Leo took a step forward and Raph took a step back.

“Raph, stop that! I'm not gonna do anything to you. Or the child.” Another step and the younger grabbed the next best object, a frying pan, from the sink.

“Stay away, Leo. I swear, I'll...”

“You'll what? This is serious Raph, I just want to help you! So please help me understand what happened! There's a BABY with you! You can't just-”

The grip Raphael had on the pan tightened so much his entire arm started to shake. Normally, the oldest would know this was a sure sign to back off.

But not this time.

Not, when he was tired and worried and faced with a version of his brother he could not recognize.

“I can't just... what, Leo. I can't just WHAT?!”

“You can't just-... just... just pretend this is nothing! How do you think we should deal with a BABY and-” He had barely enough time to duck as the pan was hauled at his head, missing barely an inch. “RAPH!”

“YOU won't deal with ANYTHING concerning MY baby!”

By now, their shouting and the rather audible crash of the pan had roused the rest of their family and they came jogging in just moments after, Donnie already trying to move between them. “What's going on?”

Neither Leo nor Raph paid them much attention, still glaring at each other from across the kitchen. “What do you think you're going to do with the baby?”

Raph bared his teeth again. “I'll keep him with me!”

All but bristling, Leo threw his hands up. “Just like that? Are you insane?!”

Now, instead of an explosive reply, the younger fell silent, dead silent and it spread to the entirety of the lair. In slow motion, Raphael turned around, grabbing his long-finished water and made to return to his room. None of the younger two dared to move, too stunned to come up with any plan to ease the situation.

Slow steps, accompanied by the faint, but obviously displeased little wails of the baby, and Raphael was undoubtedly heading back to his room, no intention to keep this up any further.

“Raphael, stop! You can't be serious!” The oldest brother caught up to him, yet Raphael didn't stop, simply lowered his eyes down and away from him as he took step after step.

“Leo, don't.” There was a tremor in his voice, which Leo caught, but he was in such a roll that he simply could not stop himself.

“Don't WHAT?! You want to keep it? It's not like having a pet, Raph! You HAVE to be serious about this.”

The slight pause in Raphael's slow stride was the only warning he received, before the younger reared at him. The kettle went flying off somewhere to clatter and spill while Raphael's arm came flying out, backhanding him with such force it tore the Leo straight off his feet and sent him crashing into the wall.

Something within him snapped.

Raph was roaring now. “TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?! You don't have ANY idea about how SERIOUS this is! You weren't THERE, /fearless/!“ The last word was hissed with such venom that none of their shocked family dared to even twitch.

“You weren't THERE, Leo! You weren't there. You weren't part of any of it.” A shaky breath and his voice dropped to a harsh whisper.

“You weren't part of THIS” and he ever so gently lifted the softly crying infant in his arms.

“You weren't part of any of it. You were merely a smudge of blood and cells, left on one of their weapons.” Another breath and his voice was calm, now, deadly calm and quiet and yet, none dared to speak up. As awful as this situation was, they all knew Raphael needed to get this out.

“But I was there. I was there for WEEKS! I was there when they took cells and tissues from me. You weren't there when they stabbed me with tubes and needles, inserting artificial... eggs into my guts. Eggs they MADE from my cells and fearless' over there!” He paused to swallow, never once lifting his eyes to meet either of his brothers'.

“They made me grow them inside me. They made me carry the eggs with me for days. Like some sort of living incubator. They... They CALLED me 'incubator'! But... I FELT them grow in me, Leo! I- I was swelling with how big and how many they were. And then...” His free hand moved to the bandages covering the wounds beneath and Mikey felt Donatello sway next to him, reaching out to steady his brother, even while he started to feel faint as well.

Raphael showed no signs of stopping, though.

“They cut me open. To-... to take them out and then, they put them into glass tubes. Every time they made room in me, they put new ones inside. I... I had to watch. I watched as they grew in their little tubes. And then I watched as those people took them out and cracked open their shells.” His voice still was harsh, but, at the same time too quiet, too serious. There was none of the emotion in it that the brothers knew should be there.

“Leo, you weren't there to see all their tiny, deformed bodies. DOZENS of tiny, tiny bodies, twisted and wrong. But... But they lived! My /children/ were alive and moving before they cut them open.” Mikey's knees hit the ground hard, hands pressed over his mouth to keep in the strangled sound that wanted to escape.

Raphael still didn't stop, swaying where he stood, eyes glued to the ground as if he wasn't even aware of their presence anymore, even while he directed his words to them.

And his words answered questions neither of them had wanted to ask

“They mocked me, you know? They called me animal, beast, freak! They were bored with their work and used me to brighten up their dull work day. Dull, yes, cutting up my clones to find out how they work. To mess with their leftovers until they found something to alter and try again with a new batch.

“A few... a few were good. A few were viable and non-deformed. And they kept them. For a while at least. They kept them in warm containers. Treated them like real babies, feeding and cleaning them. Un-... until they were taken for tests as well and I was watching the entire time, breeding them new ones to take and kill.” Raphael gasped, forcing down a shudder.

“When they had too much time, they came to my cell and showed me the leftovers. Or they made me watch... they...”

Now, it seemed, finally, the weird wall of detachedness Raphael had build around him seemed to crack, as did his voice. “They told me what they'd do to the ones that they kept alive. What they'd do to the eggs. To me.

“You weren't there... and I... I... in there, I was forced to have dozens of children. And ALL of them were taken from me. They were cut from my stomach and they were killed and dissected and I had to watch all of it.” 

Another deep breath, hitched and awkward, but Raphael straightened, still not looking at either of them. Instead, green eyes lowered to the fussy little being in his arms. “This one... this one lived. Only this one.”

“So don't... don't you DARE...! To tell me to take this serious. You have no FUCKING idea how serious any of this is. None of you do.”

With that, he started walking again.

Nobody moved to stop him.


	3. Chapter 3

Raph was gone. And in his wake he had left devastation.

Mikey was still on the ground, gasping and on the verge of tears, unable to deal with what he just heard. Donnie was kneeling next to him, swallowing his own emotions to steady the youngest with soft words and gentle gestures.

Leonardo was still standing where he had been when Raph exploded at them, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

With a detached expression, the oldest brother watched his siblings try and cope with the truth of Raphael's words. Try and fail.

In the end, Mikey did break down into bitter tears and noiseless sobs, and the helpless look Donatello sent him got him to move. “Mikey... come, we all need to rest. You can sleep with me tonight, alright?” He wanted to have words to comfort him. To make him stop crying and ease the situation for all of them.

But he couldn't.

All he could do was holding back his own tears and support his youngest sibling as they walked towards his bedroom. Leo did pause to look back at Donatello, however, wanting to make sure he'd be able to deal on his own for now.

The exhausted, sad little smile told him enough and he gave a little nod.

Donnie would manage for the night. And in the morning, they'd all hopefully have had some rest to start picking up the pieces of this broken mess they were in.

Leo sighed, leaning down to press a small kiss to Mikey's head as they walked.

It didn't take long to coax Mikey into bed, the youngest brother falling asleep almost the moment his head touched the pillow and Leonardo was glad for it. It gave him a little time to settle down himself, calm himself before he attempted to sleep.

Strangely enough, his thoughts emptied themselves.

Suddenly, his mind was blank, and Leo was so, so glad for it. He was tired. And climbing into his bed felt like heaven. Tired arms wrapped around his sleeping baby brother and Leo was out like a light as well.

Unlike his two brothers, Donatello wasn't yet ready to rest.

He still stood in the kitchen, looking over the damage. Not that there was much, a puddle of now-cold water, a broken pan, a cracked kettle, and uncountable, invisible wounds that he had no idea how to even start to mend.

For now, he did what he could, cleaning up the scattered pieces of kitchenware, pausing when he picked up the kettle.

Raphael had wanted hot water. Probably to make some food for the baby and Donnie swallowed. He knew little to nothing about infants, infant mutants even less, but he was pretty sure that going hungry wasn't much of an option for the little one.

He also knew that his sibling would not come back out of his room after his... confession.

Throwing the broken items into the trash, Donatello pulled out a new pot to cook water in. He didn't know whether Raphael was even still awake or if he'd appreciate it, but preparing some formula for the baby was at least something Donnie could DO.

Feeling useless wasn't something he was well able to deal with, so even a small task as this was something that put his mind at ease a bit.

Preparing the formula was simple enough. Cook water, let it cool, mix in the right amount of formula powder, done. Since there was no bottle or anything similar to use, Donnie searched through his supplies for something else he could give Raph to use.

In the end, he was actually rather satisfied with the results and carried the formula in a thermos-cup to Raphael's room. His eagerness to knock vanished the instant he was in front of the door, biting his lip.

He was scared.

Scared of Raphael's reaction. Scared of the things he had heard. Scared of the consequences. Just... scared.

And then, he shook his head, stunned at himself.

What was he even thinking? Scared? If anyone had the right to be scared, it was Raphael.

Raphael who had endured all of that and was all alone now, with a baby that was created without his consent, with nobody he could put his trust in and too afraid and agitated to move freely in his own home.

Before the burning in his eyes could turn into actual tears, Donatello moved his hand to knock softly against the door. “Raph...? It's me, Donnie.” He called, not too loud, just enough that he would be heard. He didn't want to startle his brother any more.

Silence, then a low. “Leave me alone.”

“Raph, I made some formula. The baby must be hungry. I'll-...” He lowered his eyes to the floor. “I'll leave it right by the door, okay? I won't come in, I promise. And I put a large pipette in it, too, you can use it to feed the little one.”

Something shifted behind the door, but it didn't yet open.

“I took a pipette before...” it sounded almost apologetic and Donnie smiled despite himself.

“That's okay. I got you one that's plastic, it'll be safer, alright? I'll put it down by the door and leave, okay? You can take it when I'm gone.” Crouching low, he carefully put the cup down and made to move away when the door actually did crack open.

“Donnie?”

The taller brother stopped, looking back at his sibling's hand moved out to pick up the cup and pipette.

“Yes? Do you want anything else? I can go get you anything you'd like.”

A pause, a quiet, awkward sigh, and the door was almost pushed back closed, but not entirely.

“Can you... I mean.... you're probably tired and-... uhm... never mind...” Raphael's voice tapered off, sounding almost disappointed with himself.

Donatello blinked at that, still unmoving. “Do you want me to stay a bit? I can just sit here by the door. We can talk. Or I can just sit here until we're tired enough to sleep.” Or Raphael, mostly. Donnie was still not moving, too worried he'd startle Raphael into pulling away again, ruining this chance to maybe offer some comfort.

“I don't know... if I want to talk...”

“That's no trouble. You've never been the talkative kind.” He joked lightly, glad when the door stayed open, even if it was just a bare crack. It was something.

The taller brother took a slow step forward, making sure his steps were audible. “I'll come sit down with you.” He announced, falling into his caretaker role easily enough and remembering to do everything he could to avoid any surprises for his delicate brother.

Carefully, he moved next to the door, sitting down with his shell resting against the wall.

For a few minutes, he was greeted with silence, but he could hear the barest sound of Raphael's even breath and the occasional wet sound of the baby drinking.

Donnie didn't dare speak first, but was rewarded for his patience with his brother's hesitant voice a few moments later.

“Thank you, Donnie. For... for... everything I guess. And...” It was as if Donatello could /hear/ his brother bite his lips, gathering the words for whatever he wanted to say.

“I'm... really sorry... for... you know... I'm sorry for snapping. I didn't mean to. I didn't even thank you all for... for rescuing me. And... and letting me bring back my-... the baby. I'm sorry for yelling at you...” Raphael's voice was quiet, more than contrite and bordering on self-loathing and Donatello shook his head at that.

“Raphie, that's-”

“N- No, wait! I'm not done.” He took a shaky breath before continuing. “I didn't mean to tell you. Not yet. Not... not like that. And-.. and especially not Mikey. God, Mikey... I never meant for him to know... he must be-...”

Closing his eyes against the renewing sting there, the taller brother swallowed. “No, Raphie. Listen.... I won't lie to you. This, all of this, is hard to swallow. It's hard on Mikey, it's hard on Leo and me, but it's hardest for you. As much as I wish that I never had to know what I know now, it was good to let it out. Because we cannot begin to fix this if we don't know what it is that we're fixing.” One hand moved up to rub at annoyingly wet eyes and no matter how much he tried, Donatello couldn't prevent the obvious hitch in his breath.

“I'm sorry, Donnie.” There was a frightened edge to Raphael's voice and he forced himself to calm himself.

“Don't, Raph. Don't. It's alright. Listen. We needed to hear it. I will be honest and say that it wasn't the best way to tell us, but none of us is blaming you. Hiding this from us would have ended up eating you from the inside. It would have ended up hurting all of us.”

“But I did hurt you now.”

Scooting a little closer to the door, the taller brother sighed. “Not as much as it could have. You are trying to cope with all that's happened to you. And exploding like that wasn't you trying to hurt us, but simply you needing to get that off your chest.”

A small pause and chocolate-colored eyes closed in returning exhaustion. “You were gone for weeks and weeks. And I want to apologize as well. I... I am really sorry we couldn't find you sooner. I'm sorry we couldn't protect you from that.”

“Don't apologize! Please... because you did find me. And you did... rescue me. And, Donnie-” a sudden, tiny and squeaky little burp caused both of them to pause, and despite everything, Donatello felt a light chuckle bubble from his chest.

Much to his delight, a similar noise came from his brother, and a lot of the weight on his chest seemed to lift. “I take it he enjoyed his meal.”

“Finished the entire thing off by himself.” There was a hint of almost... pride in the older siblings voice, painting a soft smile onto Donatello's face.

“Hey, Raph? How about this. You go get some rest, and the little one too, and I'll get you breakfast tomorrow. Well... breakfast for the baby, since Mikey will want to make you a meal.” He smiled, leaning his head back against the wall.

“...Aren't you going to ask me to come out tomorrow?”

“No. If you need some more time on your own, that's fine. As long as you eat and get your rest. I'll tell the other two to not bother you. And you... you tell us when there's anything we can do to help, alright?”

“Thank you Donnie... Can you...” A shaky sigh. “Can you... tell Leo I'm sorry, too?”

“He knows, Raph. He's probably sorry as hell, too. I'm sure he didn't mean to push you like that. I'll tell him first thing tomorrow. Now... do you have everything for the night?”

“Thanks, Donnie. And yeah, we're good... We're good now.”

Donnie smiled, breathing in deep, then letting the breath out in a liberating sigh. “Goodnight, Raphie.” With that, he pushed himself up off the ground, feeling heavy and exhausted, but much, much better than before.

“Night, Donnie.” The door clicked shut quietly, leaving Donatello to return to his own room to catch some much needed sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Raphael didn't sleep.

He knew he probably should, like the rest of his family did, but he couldn't. Not when he needed to watch over the sleeping infant. Make sure the little being was still breathing, still sleeping peacefully.

Still sitting by the closed door, he cradled the baby safely in his arms, soothing it back to sleep whenever the little one started fussing.

Distantly, he could hear the quiet sounds of the lair waking up and leaned his head back against the wall. Despite the cleansing talk he'd had with Donatello, he didn't feel ready to go out to meet them.

In the kitchen, Leonardo was the first to arrive, yawning and putting some coffee on. Tired, blue eyes turned to stare at Raphael's door, as if willing it to open.

It didn't happen.

With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the brewing coffee. It wasn't his favorite drink, but It would help wake him up, put some energy into him that he suspected he would need for the day.

The strong scent of fresh coffee hit him and he breathed in deeply, trying to let the developing tension drain out of him with a slow exhale. Another deep breath. And another.

The sound of creaking metal, followed by footsteps announced his intelligent brother's arrival and Leonardo had to smile at the disheveled look and half-asleep way he moved.

“...Coffee?” he slurred.

That tore an actual little chuckle out of the oldest and he poured Donnie a cup, handing it to him. “Here you go.”

Donnie mumbled a thanks, the sound of it half-lost in the cup as he took a deep gulp of coffee, even while he shuffled over to the table to sit down.

Watching his little brother like that, normalcy written all over the scene before him, Leo felt his worry ease a little. Donnie was not a morning person at all. And without coffee he basically was in zombie-mode till afternoon.

Conversation with him also usually needed to wait until after his first or second cup of coffee. Especially after a night like that. Moving over with his own cup, Leonardo sat down next to his brother to take a slow sip of the dark liquid.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, just nipping at their coffee, before Donatello managed to string a proper sentence together. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I talked to Raph last night.”

That had Leo's attention alright, blue eyes snapping away from his cup to stare at his younger brother. “How's- Did he-...”

“I brought him some formula after you went to bed, and we just talked a little.” Donnie gave a soft smile. “He asked me to tell you he's sorry for what happened last night.” The expression on Leo's face spoke more than words could and Donnie shook his head. “He's really delicate right now. I doubt he'll come out of his room today, and I wouldn't recommend bothering him about it.”

“Do you think he... I mean, what about...”

Donatello reached over to put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. “We'll see, Leo. For now, let's just give him some space. I think Mikey will want to try and make him another meal and I think this time, he'll accept it. Maybe later, you can go to Raph and see if he's ready to talk some more.”

Nodding, the oldest brother sighed. “I think I owe him an apology, too. I just-... I didn't know...”

“None of us did. But now we do and now we will deal with it accordingly. For now, we'll go slow and wait for Raph to come around enough to let us help him. It will get better.” No 'It will be okay', because they both knew better than to think this was as easy to fix as their usual cuts and bruises. There was no telling how deep Raphael's mental and emotional wounds ran and while there was hope he /would/ heal, all of them would be picking up shards for a very, very long time.

A loud yawn disrupted their thoughts, as Mikey rounded the corner to the kitchen, stretching and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Mornin' guys...”

“Morning, Mikey.”

The youngest gave a sluggish smile, moving over to the fridge to pull out something to make breakfast with. “I bet Raph's half-starved by now. Should've eaten the dinner I made him.” He nodded to himself, reaching for a knife and cutting board.

Leo exchanged a look with Donnie, questioning, but his brother just shrugged, so he turned back to the youngest.

“Mikey, are you alright?”

Mikey paused in mid-chop, his back still to his siblings, but gave a quick nod. “Yeah... like... I know this isn't alright at all? But crying won't help. And pretending that everything will be peachy, just because Raph's back, won't help either. At least... I can try making it better somehow... Even if it's just with a meal.”

Leo rose and went to stand next to him, one arm around his baby brother. “Mikey...”

Michelangelo smiled. “Don't worry about me, Leo. I'll deal. And I'll help if I can, okay? Just.. let me help when I can, please. Like... I can make Raph breakfast if it helps. Maybe he'll eat. He'll need to eat well to get better.”

Gently, Leo leaned down to brush a kiss to Mikey's temple. “He'll eat, I'm sure. He's had time to rest and settle down. I'm sure he'll love eating some proper food.” He smiled, giving his shoulder a reassuring little squeeze.

Soon enough, there was the delicious smell of scrambled eggs, bacon and fried vegetables, wafting through the lair, and Mikey placed two large, steaming plates in front of his brothers. A third was still in his hands and Donnie looked up at him.

“Take it slow with him, alright?”

“Yeah, I know. I'll be good.” He grinned, his good mood indestructible as ever, bouncing off to Raphael's room to knock gently.

This time, when he returned to the kitchen, there was a proud smile on his face and no plate in his hands. “Didn't want to open the door, but I left it by the door. He sounded a lot better, too.”

Honestly relieved, Donnie “That's good. I think I'll prepare some more formula for him after breakfast, maybe...” and brown eyes met dark blue. “Maybe you could take it to Raph and try talking to him, Leo? I think he might want to talk to you, too. After last night.”

The oldest brother nodded slowly. “Maybe, yes. But I need some breakfast first.”

Mikey joined them at the table and for a little while, they enjoyed the shred of normalcy. After all, the worst of their fears, for now, were alleviated. Even if they didn't speak much, breakfast was comfortable and after a second helping of Mikey's delicious cooking, Leo felt calm enough to go look after Raphael himself.

With a fresh cup of formula, he made his way over to his little brother's door, knocking softly. “Hey, it's me. Donnie made some more formula for you, so...” Leo gave a silent, frustrated sigh, trying to swallow his rising nervousness.

Thankfully, Raphael's muffled voice saved him from getting too worked up over his own uneasiness. “Thanks... can you just leave it by the door?” By the sound of it, Raph was somewhere right behind the door, probably sitting, since his voice came from below.

Leo lowered himself to a crouch, holding on to the warm cup. “Actually, I was hoping we could talk a bit. About what happened.”

A pause, and Leo slowly placed the cup next to the door. “I'm not going to make you, I just... wanted to talk a little.”

“Alright, just... don't come in.” A small noise of shifting behind the door, and it cracked open a bit.

“Into your room? I'm not that stupid.” He chuckled lightly, sitting down properly.

Raphael gave a similar sound of amusement and reached out to take the cup of formula. “I wouldn't count on that.”

The familiar, almost playful mock in his sibling's voice teased another small laugh out of Leo and he leaned comfortably against the wall. “You never do. You never give me enough credit, actually.” He grinned, but sobered soon enough. “Hey, Raph?”

“Mh...?”

Leonardo swallowed against the sudden dry feeling in his mouth, throat tightening with emotions. “I'm really sorry about last night. I know I shouldn't have yelled at you and most of all I shouldn't have questioned your reasons. I'm sorry, Raph. I should have trusted you more than that.”

Silence stretched between them after Leonardo's words, and he felt his insides clench in fear of his brother's anger or worse, that the door would close again.

But neither happened. Instead, he heard a shaky, choked breath. “...Leo...” Raphael's hand appeared from behind the door, pale and quaking and Leonardo reached out before he even had to think about it.

Their fingers laced together and Leo felt the desperate strength with which his sibling held on to him, squeezing back just as firmly. Raphael needed something to ground him, even when he still had to hide behind his door.

“I'm sorry, too! Leo... I'm sorry, too. I don't want to make so much trouble... and I didn't mean to hit you. And-”

“Raph! Raph, stop. It's alright. I know.” Futile as it was, Leo tried to keep his own hand steady against the harsh shaking of his sibling's. “I know, Raph. Calm down, I know...” His voice was gentle, consoling instead of commanding.

It took a moment, but Raphael's trembling lessened back to a soft tremor, and only then did Leo continue. “I was tired and lost control. I promise-... no, I swear that won't happen again. Last night was hard on us, but that's over now. You're back home and we'll help you deal with what happened and with the little one.”

The hand in his own shifted a little, then renewed its hold on his own. “I shouldn't have snapped like that...”

“Me neither. But it's kind of what we always do, isn't it?” Leo said, a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, true. Hey, Leo?”

“Yes?”

“About the baby...” He could hear the fear creeping back into his younger brother's voice and brushed his thumb over the back of his hand.

“Leo, I can't... This-... my baby-...” Raphael swallowed audibly, shifting behind the door before he found his voice again, and when he did, it was quiet again, unsure. “They took so many from me, I can't let anyone... Leo, I trust you guys. I do! I really do. I just-”

Leo understood. Strange as it was and jumbled as his brother's words were, he understood.

“You don't want us near the baby. And you're afraid we won't understand.”

“How can you? I can't even understand it myself. It's like... Every time I so much as think about letting you or anyone near it... I can't stand it. I... I might do something stupid when...” he broke off in a frustrated huff, unable to find the right words.

“It's instincts, Raph. He's your baby, you ought to protect him from any and all threats. And if 'threat' translates to 'everyone but you' right now, that's okay. As long as we know, we can deal with it. We can keep our distance, if that's what you need right now.”

Silence again, and by the way Raph kept clutching his hand, he knew his words had hit home. “We will work this out, bit by bit.”

“I'm gonna be awkward, Leo. I will snap at you again. Heck, I can't even say I wouldn't throw pans at your stupid head again.”

Despite Raphael's serious tone, Leo felt a laugh bubble from his chest. “I'm really sorry, but that's neither new nor unexpected. Raph, seriously. Don't worry about us.” He put his second hand over Raph's as well, cradling still trembling fingers in both hands. “You're home now. Home with your family. And we will do everything we can to protect you. You and your baby.”

“I love you, Leo.” A shaky exhale.

“Love you too, Raph.” Leo smiled warmly, even though Raph couldn't see. “Just remember we're here for you.”

“I know. I-... I haven't seen Splinter, though...”

Dark blue eyes snapped up and over to the dark dojo doors. “Master Splinter's sick. Nothing too serious, don't worry, but he's been down with fever the last few days. I told him you're back, he'll come see you as soon as he's better. I'll go tell him about what happened later today.”

“Mh, I see.”

Leo could hear the exhaustion in his brother's voice. “Hey, Raph, how about you go and get some more rest. And I want to make a deal with you.”

Raphael seemed to sit up straighter at that, attentively. “What kind of... deal?” The suspicion in his voice stung, but Leo reminded himself to not take any of that personally. Instead, he chuckled lightly.

“Something completely awful and humiliating of course! Gosh, Raph. You don't seriously expect me to screw you over, do you? No. I just... how about this. I tell the others to keep their distance from you, as much as you need us to. But in return, you'll keep your door open and you'll come out of your room every now and then.”

With a sigh and a histrionic sigh, Raphael gave a small squeeze to Leonardo's hands. “I won't have much say in the matter anyway, will I?” It was an agreement alright, simply wrapped in their usual teasing. And maybe the need for a bit of normalcy between them as well.

Leonardo fell into the soft banter easily enough. “Nope. If you don't agree, I will just come back again and again, nagging and berating you and asking again and again until you grow so tired of me that you'll agree anyway. Saying yes now will spare us both a lot of time and effort.”

Fake groaning. “Alright already! Man, Leo, you're always such a pain! Where's my sympathy?”

“Sympathy? You couldn't even DEAL with sympathy!”

“Don't tell me what I can and cannot deal with, Fearless! And now go fuck off, my arms are falling asleep and I want to put the baby back to bed.”

Leo smiled, turning a bit to look at the no longer trembling hand cradled in his own. “You do that. Try and get some rest as well. Later, when you're ready, come out of your room. And Raph... if you need anything. For yourself or the baby, do tell us.”

Much quieter this time, Raph replied “I will. But we're good right now. I'll try to come see you guys later. Maybe I'll come pick up some lunch or something. I don't know.”

They both tightened their hold on each others' hands for a moment, before letting go, and Leo rose to his feet. “Alright. We'll be here if you need us.” He paused, but knew there was nothing more to be said right now.

Quietly, Leo heard Raph move behind the door, whispering something, probably to the baby, as he moved around in the room.

The door to his room stayed open, if only the barest crack.

But it was open.


	5. Chapter 5

It took little persuasion to get the younger two brothers to agree to let Raphael do the next steps, Donatello a little more reluctant about it. He wasn't fully convinced that Raph was in any shape to be left on his own, too worried about his mental state to trust he would seek their help if needed. It was his caretaker side.

But in the face of Leo's confidence, he agreed to give it a day or two and see how Raph would do.

For most of the day, nothing happened.

It was both calming and awkward.

Raphael's door stayed open, but he didn't come out. Neither did his brothers dare to invade his space. It left them to go about random daily chores and activities, but they were tip-toeing around the lair, avoiding loud noises, avoiding getting too close to Raphael's door, avoiding thinking too much about it.

In a way, despite the encouraging view of that still-open door, it put them all on edge pretty badly, as if expecting something to explode the instant that door moved.

When it finally did, late into the afternoon, nothing exploded. Quite on the contrary, even.

With the tiny little squeak of Raphael's door, all motion in the lair ceased and three pairs of eyes instantly focused on the slowly emerging figure. Raph paused in the doorway, one hand still on the handle of the door, the other cradling the tiny, tiny infant.

Mikey was the one to break the sudden silence, with an adoring little “Aww” sound. He was kneeling on the couch, arms crossed on the back rest and bouncing slightly when Raph's eyes met his.

“Good to see you out, bro!” He was shifting slightly and they all knew he was working hard to remember to stay put, instead of rushing over and fawning over his brother and especially the little baby. “Gosh, the baby is soooo small!” he cooed, excited, and Raphael tensed for a moment, moving his arm away from the door and around the infant, shielding him instinctively.

Mikey's grin dropped.

A moment later, however, Raphael relaxed again and managed a small smile. “Yeah, he is, isn't he?” Eagerly nodding, Michelangelo draped himself over the back of the couch, softly thrumming his fingers against it to contain his excitement.

“Are you hungry, Raph? You skipped lunch and Leo told me not to bother you but I bet you're actually really hungry right now, right? I can make you pancakes! Or soup! Or did you want to do something else? Did you want to watch some TV, because I can-”

“Mikey, easy!” Leo called, caught between amusement and worry. “How about you let him get a word in himself, hm?” That earned him a pouty glare from Mikey, and a low chuckle from Raph, the sound sweeter than anything he'd heard in a long time. “Raph...”

Smiling, yet still not moving from his spot in the door frame, Raphael shook his head. “It's okay. Kinda... kinda missed that chatterbox of his.”

Donatello, who had watched the exchange from his spot near the kitchen, smiled as well, relieved beyond words at the delicate, but promising easiness between them. He cleared his throat to get Raphael's attention. “Hey... how are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?”

Another smile, and a shake of head. “I'm fine. Really sore, but nothing too bad. But...” And Raph shifted a little, hesitating. “I, mh, maybe you could help me make another meal for...” he nodded towards the infant in his arms, brushing his large palm over the petite carapace when the baby started to squirm and give a small unhappy squeal.

Leonardo smiled at the gleam that appeared in chocolate-colored eyes at the request, and Donatello gave a quick nod. “Of course! Are you okay to come here? I can show you how to do it. You can sit down at the table, if you want.”

“I guess...” Raph took a step back, reaching down to pick the used cup and pipette up from the floor in his room, then walked over in tentative, heavy steps. He was still in pain.

Leo watched him for a moment, dark blue eyes moving from the quietly fussing baby to the plastic pipette in Raph's hand and back to the baby, before he slowly walked over to their youngest brother, smiling conspiratorially at him. “Mikey, the both of us, we have a job to do tonight.”

Bright eyes blinked in confusion up at him, gauging, before Mikey started grinning. “I have no idea what you're up to, but count me in.”

Raph frowned a little in suspicion at his whispering brothers on the couch, but soon turned his attention back to Donatello, watching as he pulled out the formula container and turned on the stove to cook some water.

“It's really not that complicated, but it's important to get the proper dosage.” Donnie explained lightly, turning around to lean against the counter and look at his brother, who still stood a few steps away, warring with his insecurity.

The younger smiled gently, guessing this was as close as Raphael's comfort zone permitted right now. “Should I-”

“No need.” There was a frustrated note in his voice, clearly not satisfied with himself and the way he couldn't trust his own family. “Just...” He frowned, stiffly pulling out a chair to sit himself down at the table. “I'm sorry I'm so... stupid right now.”

“It's not stupid, Raph. We understand. And I promise you...” Brown eyes met green and Donnie smiled, sincere. “It will get better. Look, you're out here, with us. And just because you can't stand us getting too close right now, does not mean that it will still be that way in a few days. This will take time, of course, but it will get better.”

Raphael nodded slowly, letting the words sink in. “We'll see...”

“Step by step, Raph. Right now, I'll help you make some food for the little one. And maybe some tea for you?” The expression on Raphael's face at the mention of tea teased a small laugh out of the younger. “Okay, okay, no tea for you. Hot chocolate, then?”

“Sounds more like it.” They shared a small grin and soon enough, Donnie carefully placed a steaming cup on the table for Raph to take, remembering to keep some distance between them, even when his older brother seemed more relaxed now.

“How's the little one doing? He looks well...” Donnie ignored the short glare sent his way, it passed quickly enough to tell him Raphael didn't mean to antagonize him. Instead, he was fascinated by the expression that took over green eyes when Raph looked down, gently shifting the small body in his arms.

“He sleeps a lot. And he's very quiet. But he eats well and he's attentive when he's awake.” A warm smile stretched Raphael's lips. “He doesn't like lying on his back and he puts up a lot of fuss when I don't let him fall asleep in my arms.”

“He sounds a little like you.” Donnie smiled affectionately. “Don't worry too much that he's quiet. He's still very small and he's been through much. As long as he seems lively and eats well, I would say he's okay.” Almost absentmindedly, he pulled the cooking water from the stove to cool down. “When you're ready for it, you can bring him to the lab and I can have a look. I won't lie, it's better sooner than later, but I understand you are not comfortable with anyone near him. Maybe we can work around it a bit, but... we have time for that.”

“Donnie...” There was a suspicious, wet shimmer in green eyes and a tell-tale hitch in Raphael's voice and Donatello shook his head.

“Raph, no. Don't. It's fine. Come, the water's cooled down a bit, we can mix in the powder and then I think the baby wants his snack.” A quick nod and Donatello was relieved to see Raph calm himself quickly.

Preparing the formula was easy enough and Donnie made sure it had the right temperature before filling it back into a clean cup. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, Donnie. But I think I'll go back to my room to feed him. It's not that I don't... don't get me wrong, I just... want to be alone with him for that.” The younger brother simply smiled.

“Don't worry, I get it. Will you be back later?”

“Probably. How is... master Splinter?” With a small grunt, Raphael pulled himself to his feet again, picking up the cup.

“Do you want to go see him?”

“...Yeah.” At the small, too young, sound of his brother's voice, Donatello felt his heart go out to him.

“I will check on him, then, see if he's up to see you. He will want to see you.” The younger smiled, watching as Raphael nodded and then walked back to his room, leaving the door ajar as he entered.

Several minutes later, Leonardo appeared, Mikey was nowhere to be seen. There was a smug little smile on his face, which caused Donnie to lift one brow. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Leo shrugged. “Just made plans for tonight. How's Raph?”

Updating his brother was easy enough, Leo offering to go check on their master himself, bringing him tea and some early dinner as well.

Raphael left his room about two hours after that, the baby squirming slightly on his arm, wrapped warmly in a piece of cloth that looked to be one of Raph's pillowcases. Donnie found himself frowning at that. They had no facilities or supplies fit to accommodate an infant.

Raph was making do with what he found and, Donatello figured, it was working for the moment.

But there was no way it would be enough for... later. It was a strange concept. One even he, intelligent and smart as he was, could not quite grasp. He knew what options there were, which courses they could take, he could understand, in the simple way of simply wording it, what lay ahead for their family in each case.

There was a vast difference between knowing and understanding, however,

Knowing that his brother had already decided to keep the baby was one thing. Understanding what that would mean for all of their lives was something entirely different.

Donnie shook his head, at least understanding as much that there was a better time for musings like this. Right now, it was more important to simply be there for his brother, support him and help him heal the damage that hat been done to him.

Chocolate-colored eyes were inevitably drawn to the squirming little bundle in Raphael's arms, impossibly tiny hands grabbing onto one large finger and Donatello felt an unexpected little rush of affection wash over him.

It was a precious thing, this little being, and that alone was enough to wake every protective instinct Donatello had to offer.

Finally, Raphael was able to tear his eyes away from the baby to look at his brother across the room.

Donnie smiled. “Hey... did he enjoy his meal?” After a short nod from his brother, he added. “Leo was with master Splinter before, he really wants to see you, when you're ready for it.” That did get him Raphael's full attention.

“How is he?”

“Getting better. He's still sick, but in a few more days, he'll be up and about.” Donatello gestured towards the baby. “As far as I can tell, Sensei shouldn't be contagious anymore, so you and the little one will be okay.”

Nodding again, Raphael managed a little smile. “That's good. I... I want to see him.”

“Then I'll go tell him. There's some hot water left, if you'd like some tea.” He indicated the stove, before turning and making his way to the dojo where their master was resting.

Raphael didn't make tea.

Instead, he stood where he was, waiting impatiently for his brother to return and finally be allowed to see his father. All the fidgeting he did caught on to the infant in his arms and the baby gave a displeased little wail. With utmost care, Raphael lifted him higher, against his shoulder, to bounce him softly, murmuring quiet nothings to soothe him.

After not even five minutes, Donnie was back and gave an encouraging smile. “He's awake and he really wants to see you.”

The younger didn't really need an answer and simply watched as Raph walked over to the dojo, almost able to sense the excitement and uneasiness rolling off his brother.

Raphael paused before the large sliding doors, swallowing down his rising nervousness. There was nothing to fear, really. On the contrary, even. He had missed his father, he wanted to see him, and badly.

But one look down at his cooing baby had his fears rising all over again. How would he react? How could he even start to explain this entire mess to Splinter? Of course, Leo had possibly done a good share of talking and explaining, but... this was different, wasn't it? Facing him directly, confronting him with these news, these... consequences of his absence.

He took a slow, even breath, then pushed open the doors.

The thick scent of incense hit him, the essential oils likely meant to help their master get rid of the coughs.

Splinter was sitting on his futon, looking up with elated, but obviously tired eyes. “Raphael. I am so glad to see you, my son.” His voice was low and rough, altered by his illness, but the warmth in it was the same as it had ever been.

Raphael paused in the doorway, feeling his throat tighten with emotion and fear. “Father...” He whispered, fighting to even look at his father. Much to his shame, he was unable to keep eye-contact with him, dropping his gaze to the floor by his feet, biting his lips.

“I-... I'm so sorry...” Raphael whispered, blinking away the burn of his eyes.

“Raphael, come sit with me.” Was the calm reply, and Raphael found himself moving before he even noticed it. Slowly, he stepped further into the room, closing the doors behind him with one hand. He made it about halfway to where Splinter's futon lay, before he stopped again, kneeling on the floor.

His father did not question the distance he kept and Raph knew this was one of the things Leo had told him.

“My son, what are you apologizing for?” The words were calm, neither judging nor belittling. Merely asking.

“For always making a mess. For making everything complicated. For making all of you worry.” Raphael was nearly choking while he spoke, hitched breaths between harsh, whispered words. “For...” And he held on tighter to the warm bundle in his arms, holding it safe, close to his heart. “For not letting go and sparing all of you this trouble.”

“Do you think that letting go would have made things easier?” Still, Splinter's voice was calm, even though Raphael realized that he could see right through him.

He still wanted to lie, but his father always had had this way of speaking, his presence alone, that demanded the truth and Raphael shook his head. “For my family, yes. Not for me.”

A soft hum followed, sounding almost... pleased, and Raphael dared to lift his gaze back to his father, finding him smiling lightly. “Then you did the right thing.”

Green eyes blinked at Splinter in confusion. “But, father...”

Splinter shook his head and his smile widened by a fraction. “I am very proud of you, Raphael. My strong son. You endured so much while you were gone. Yet, even after all you've suffered through, and despite the pain it must cause you, you couldn't bring it over you to abandon an innocent.

“It takes so much more courage and strength to love than to leave behind.” Splinter concluded,

Raphael lowered his head again, closing his eyes against the wet sting in them. “Father...”

Splinter continued after a small cough to clear his hoarse voice. “Right now, I know you can not share the burden that you chose to carry, for the sake of this child, but I want you to remember that you are not alone. Your family is right here with you. Remember this when you are ready to.” Dark eyes shone with understanding and, suddenly, unexpectedly, Raphael felt a massive weight lift off his weary shoulders, making him feel oddly at peace.

Of course his father understood.

“Years and years ago, I made a similar choice as you did. Faced with four helpless infants, there was the choice of taking the risk and the burden of raising you, or leave you behind to be forgotten.” He smiled. “A heavy burden, I have to say, but one that I carried without a single regret.”

He understood.

Raphael felt overwhelmed with the words and the emotions taking over him, leaving him feeling relieved and exhausted.

“Father, I...” His voice shook, badly, and he fumbled for words a moment.

Splinter lifted a hand to silence him. “It is enough, Raphael. You are exhausted, as am I.” He smiled warmly. “Rest. We will continue our talk when you have recovered. Though, before you go...” Dark eyes held a careful but intrigued little sparkle and Raphael knew exactly what his father was about to ask.

“Oh, yeah. Wait...” Carefully, he rearranged the bundle in his arms, pulling the cloth away from the baby so Splinter could have a better look. Still, he didn't budge from his spot, uncomfortable with getting closer to anyone, even his father.

And Splinter did not ask and did not comment on that, simply running affectionate eyes over the infant, nodding slowly. “I can see how it was impossible to leave someone so precious behind.” he smiled. Then, the same, warm gaze was directed at Raphael himself.

“Never hesitate to ask for our support, your brothers' or mine. We're all here for you.”

Raphael couldn't find his voice, but gave a quick nod, re-wrapping his baby with the warm cloth before gingerly rising to his feet. The healing cuts on his stomach stung, but he managed not to show it too much.

“Get well soon, Sensei.” Raphael said, bowing slightly.

“You too, my son.”

The large sliding doors were opened and closed and the moment Raphael stepped out, he was met by three curious and worried stares, which were promptly ignored. Instead, he made his way over to the bathroom. “We're... gonna take a bath. Don't worry.”


	6. Chapter 6

The bathroom door opened an hour later, a soft cloud of warm, moist air wafting around Raphael as he stepped out, the sleeping infant safely wrapped in a fluffy towel. Green eyes moved around the lair for a moment, searching and assessing.

He blinked, when all he found was Donatello, sitting on the easy chair next to the couch, to watch the news on TV. “Where are the other two?”

Donnie looked up with a small smile. “Out topside. Leo's up to something, I don't have a single idea, but Mikey went with him and they're probably doing something stupid.” He grinned, but sobered a little when he saw Raphael's expression. “Raph, don't worry. They're not going to do anything THAT stupid. Do you want to come watch some TV with me?” One hand gently indicated the couch, taking into consideration that there was enough room for Raphael to keep his distance.

But the older brother shook his head. “No... thanks, but I'm tired. Tell the other two boneheads to not... you know...”

“Be boneheads and do stupid things?”

Raph smiled. “Yeah. Night, Donnie.”

“Night.” Donnie slipped back into his seat, turning chocolate-colored eyes back to the screen, before jerking up again. “Raph, wait!” At the startled, quizzical expression, Donatello looked sheepish. “Sorry. Did you clean your stomach? I can get you new bandages, if you want?”

Looking down, Raphael lifted the baby a little, showing off the fresh white of new wraps. “Thank you, Donnie, I took care of it. Looks okay, doesn't hurt much.” His free hand moved to pat his belly through the bandages. “It's fine, I promise.”

The younger nodded, seeming pleased with his answer. “Alright. Call if you need anything, I'll be here. Goodnight.”

“Night, Donnie.”

For a while, it was quiet in the lair again, safe the soft murmur of the TV.

That was, until, somewhere around two in the morning, the two missing brothers returned, half-silent, as not to disturb their sleeping family members, but loud enough to rouse their napping brother on the couch.

Blinking against the residual sleep in his eyes, Donnie pushed himself up drowsily to watch Leo and Mikey carry two large bags into the living area. Mikey was grinning like no tomorrow, waving excitedly at Donnie when he spotted him. “Look what we got! Raph will love this.”

“What is that?” Walking over to them, he blinked at the items stored away in those bags. “...Did you rob a drugstore...?”

Mikey laughed, and Leo shook his head. “Not so much robbed as snuck in unseen, grabbed what we need, left the money and we... tried not to startle the poor guy at the cashier's too much.”

Donatello still stared. “You... went on a stealth mission... to grab diapers, baby stuff... and candy bars?”

Mikey perked. “No, those are mine!” Grabbing them, he quickly ran off to store them away in his room, almost as if afraid someone would take them away from him. It left Donnie and Leo to look at each other with amused eyes.

It was Donnie who spoke again, careful with his words. “You went out to get all this for Raph. For the baby. You think the baby will stay with us.” It was half a question, half a statement.

Leonardo's eyes closed a moment, face pulling into a weary kind of expression. “I honestly don't know, Donnie. I can't say what's gonna happen or what is the best for Raph or for us or for the baby. But one thing is certain.” Pausing, the oldest brother moved to cross his arms in front of his chest, a gesture he used rarely enough. Donnie knew that his brother wanted to have a real answer, a real plan for this, and was frustrated and thrown into insecurity because he had none.

“I know that Raph will protect his child. And I know we cannot force him to leave it. All we can do is help him care for the baby until we can figure out what to do next. It's not much, it's not enough, but it's a start and will help us along for a few days.” Leonardo was agitated. Worried.

It was written into his schooled, but tense features and Donatello knew how to read him by now, and he hoped he knew how to ease some of his worries.

“Raph will appreciate this. And getting these will take some of his worries off his shoulders. He's strained enough as it is. But he'll appreciate this, Leo. And in due time, we'll figure this out, together.” Chocolate-colored orbs regarded the oldest brother, smiling encouragingly at him.

Mikey bounced back out of his room, spreading the suspicious scent of chocolate, betraying the fact that he hadn't been able to resist his sweet tooth. “Leo, I wanna tell Raph what we got him. Please?” He was giving both his brothers his patented, sky-blue puppy-dog eyes and both Leo and Donnie chuckled.

“Alright, Mikey, but take it easy, okay?” Leo smiled, the warning lacking firmness, despite him being serious about it. “And don't disturb him if he's sleeping. It's late.”

Nodding quickly, Michelangelo grabbed the bags to carry them to Raph's door. Putting them down, the youngest fell silent, trying to listen into Raphael's room for any signs his brother was awake. Upon hearing nothing, he lifted his hand to knock.

Before he could make contact with the wood, the door cracked open a little further, Raph's figure appearing from the darkness of the room. “Shh. He's sleeping. What are you doing?” Raph had heard he quiet exchange between his brothers, as it seemed, though he was confused enough that Mikey was sure he had no idea what was waiting for him.

He put on his brightest smile and gestured to the two large bags at his feet. “We got you stuff!”

“...Stuff.” he deadpanned, not seeming too convinced about his late-night 'surprise'.

“Oh come on, Raphie, don't look like we got you a spider in a box. We got you good stuff!” Mikey beamed, unfazed and undisturbed in his excitement. “Okay, in all honesty, it's less for you, and more for, you know...” He gestured into the dark space behind his sibling.

Green eyes narrowed to dangerous slits, for a bare second, before Raphael tried to remind himself there was no danger from his brothers. It took him a moment to accomplish that, then he slowly relaxed.

Mikey waited in surprising patience for Raphael to work through his instinctual protective urges, until he was able to process the situation properly “You...” Raph blinked, lowering his gaze to the bags. “What did you get?”

“Everything you'll need.” The youngest chirped, lifting one bag to show its contents to his sibling. “See? Baby stuff! Bottles, a blanket, and lots and lots more.”

“Mikey...” There was a foreboding tremble in the older brother's voice and Michelangelo's grin calmed to a gentle smile. He pushed the first bag into Raphael's hands, who took it with some hesitation.

“Don't look like that, Raph. It's fine.”

Sky-blue eyes turned worried when Raphael didn't reply, instead clutching the straps of the bag so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Raphie?”

A choked noise, Mikey wasn't sure whether it was a sob or a chuckle, perhaps even both, and Raphael straightened, trying to compose himself. His voice, when he spoke next, was thick, but with a hint of snark. “You robbed a store for me?”

“What do you mean, 'robbed'?! We paid! We just ninja'd out of standing in line and doing annoying smalltalk with the cashier.” The younger's cheeks puffed out in a mock-pout, rising to his sibling's weak bait.

Raphael shook his head. “You and ninja-ing out of anything? Was I gone THAT long?” The hint of a smirk and Michelangelo was too happy about that to bother replying to the fake-insult.

“You were gone far too long, Raph. I'm just glad you're back. And we'll go back to normal soon, too, you'll see.” Mikey's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “And then you'll let me watch the little one while you're training! Or.. doing whatever!” He grinned.

Raph just stared at him for a moment, completely unable to come up with any sort of sarcastic or mock-annoyed reply to that. Instead, he reached for the youngest brother with one hand, cupping his neck and pulling him closer to press a kiss to his forehead. Then another.

“Thank you, Mikey... I-.. I just-... Thanks...”

Swallowing, Michelangelo lifted his own hands to hold on to Raph's arm, closing his eyes as his brother rested his forehead against his own.

“No problem, bro...”

They shared another moment, then slowly pulled away from each other. Raphael took both the bags gratefully, storing their contents away in his room.

When he returned to the door, he looked insecure again, and Mikey smiled. The younger took it as a cue to give a wide yawn, scratching his neck. “Well... I'm beat. I'm gonna go to bed.”

Donnie and Leo called from somewhere in the kitchen. “Us, too! Goodnight!”

Raphael nodded and smiled again. “Yeah, goodnight.” With that, he stepped back into his room, pushing the door close until there was only the little crack left open.

The rest of the night, and the following day went by without much change.

Raphael left his room once or twice, but other than that stayed inside, feeling more secure in the relative solitude of his room.

His open door, however, offered the opportunity for Leonardo to have an eye on his brother, regardless. He didn't feel well, secretly observing him like that, but there was something that wouldn't let him rest.

Raphael was uncannily calm and it was so very, very strange to see him like that.

Raphael was not calm.

He was not patient.

It simply wasn't his nature, and yet, ever since he had returned, he showed an infinite amount of patience.

While the baby wasn't exactly loud or very noisy at all, it was not calm. Leonardo figured the little one had stayed quiet at first because he was exhausted by the sudden changes around him, the new surroundings, adjusting to new sounds and scents, all that.

Now, there was little left of the tranquility.

The baby was still mostly quiet, hidden away in Raphael's room or safely cradled in those strong arms, but he was not calm. Leo guessed he wouldn't know the standards of a three-weeks old infant's behavior, but by all means, he was incredibly fussy.

Raphael didn't say a single word, but Leo was getting a pretty clear impression of it.

The little one was crying a lot. Not in loud, full-bodied cries like he'd sometimes seen human babies do, but quiet, almost sad little wails.

Feeding him seemed to be a pretty problematic task as well. The oldest brother observed as Raphael tried and tried again to get the baby to take the nipple of the bottle and drink. The last two times Leo had stood by the door unnoticed, watching him feed the little one, it had taken almost half an hour until he had started drinking.

And not once, not for a second, did Raphael as much as bat an eyelash at that.

No... his hotheaded, violent and impatient brother sat by the makeshift crib in his room, cooing and soothing and rocking the infant until he finally calmed and took the bottle. And even then, not the smallest frown marred his face.

The only thing that disturbed the newfound calm in his brother was the dark circles forming under his eyes.

He was exhausted. Beyond exhausted.

And by the way he orbited his baby, it was no surprise. It was starting to become unhealthy, however. Raphael didn't sleep, he didn't eat his meals, even when his brothers brought them to him, he simply forgot about it.

Leo continued to stand at the door, observing still, as his brother put the now-empty bottle aside and ever so gently placed the baby between the warm sheets, wrapping him safely and then rocking him to soothe him into sleep.

By the tired smile working its way onto Raphael's lips, he figured the baby was doing him the favor of falling asleep quickly.

Leonardo watched as his sibling continued to sit next to the crib, watched as he blinked sluggishly and promptly bumped his forehead against the wooden bedframe when he nodded off without noticing. Leonardo gave a sympathetic little groan when Raph hissed and rubbed at his now bruised head.

He took it as a cue to knock and enter the room, fully prepared for the weak glare Raphael sent his way. This instinctual hostility towards any intruder coming too close to his son was something they had all gotten used to.  
And Leo didn't push it, staying just behind the door without entering further.

“He's sleeping, Raph, you should catch a few hours yourself.” He offered softly, voice low and calm.

Raphael shook his head, never quite removing his gaze from Leonardo, eying him warily. “He'll be up and hungry again, soon.”

“He just ate, Raph. Maybe he'll wake soon, but it'll be a little while before that, I'm sure. You can get some rest.” A small rush of boldness took him and he figured asking wouldn't hurt. “Maybe, just for a bit, I could-”

Predictably, his offer wasn't even taken into consideration.

“No way I'm gonna leave him with you!” Raphael almost growled.

The older brother fought down the small sting that those words caused. He knew Raphael didn't mean it quite like that. It was, again, simply that deeply-rooted instinct to keep any and all danger away from his son. Even if it was his own brother and, in this weird, twisted way, the baby's father.

“How about Splinter, then? I'm pretty sure he'd love looking after him for a few hours.”

Raphael hesitated at that, caught between the trust in his father and the fear for his own son and Leonardo felt bad for causing him this additional inner conflict. But in the end, and with hesitation, Raphael again only shook his head.

“I'm fine. Go away, Leo.”

“You're not fine... when was the last time you even ate anything?” He kept his voice even, trying to keep the accusation from his voice. It was nothing his brother did on purpose and he was still vulnerable.

“I ate.”

“Yes, probably sometime yesterday.”

“Go AWAY, Leo. I swear, if you end up waking him up, I'll-” He paused, blinking and shaking his head as if fending off a dizzy spell and Leo caught a small glimpse of fear on Raphael's exhausted face. It was there for barely longer than a second, but it /was/ there and Leonardo suddenly had another thought.

Slowly, gradually, he lowered himself to a crouch, making himself the least threatening he could manage and inched a little closer to his brother.

Against his suspicions, there weren't any immediate protests, the younger simply lowered his eyes back to the crib.

“Raph... are you afraid... to go to sleep?” His voice was quiet, serious, making very sure he didn't sound like he was making fun of him him if it were true.

He wasn't prepared for the reaction he got.

There was a moment of silence – in contrast to the bold denial he had half-expected. Then, a muffled sound and his brother pressed his hands to his face with a choked gasp. “I don't want to see them... I don't want to see them, Leo.”

Confused, but with a rising sense of dread, the older brother crept yet a little closer. “See what, Raph...?”

“My babies!”

There was a muffled sob and Leonardo swallowed against the numb dismay clenching his insides. The concept, to him, was still abstract, something he knew about but could never comprehend. But he understood, for Raphael, it was fresh and real and acute.

“Every time I close my eyes, they're there... all those tiny bodies, all the blood, I don't... I can't... I just... Leo!”

Unable to keep the distance between them any longer, Leonardo reached out, pulling Raphael close, biting his lip when he felt strong, trembling arms wrap around him with almost bruising force.

Nightmares.

Of course. Leo almost felt ashamed for not having thought about nightmares.

“Raph...” There was just nothing he could say. Nothing that came to mind, appropriate for a situation like this. so he simply tightened his grip around his shuddering brother, biting back his own tears.

“Shh.. Raph...”

“I let them die... I couldn't protect them... I just-” The younger's voice broke off with a horrible, choked noise, breaths hitching and shaking along with the rest of his body. Yet, at the back of his mind, Leonardo was confused by the lack of tears.

“Raphie, no. There was nothing you could have done.” Sincerity was both in his voice and in his eyes. Leonardo knew it. HAD there been any way for his sibling to prevent any of the babies' deaths, he would have done it. He would have saved them.

And Raphael probably, in the logical part of his mind, knew it as well.

But he was in denial. Guilt and blaming himself was as integral a part of Raphael as his strength and his temper.

He knew his younger brother wanted to protest the notion that his offspring's fate had been inevitable, to deny himself the easy way out of the crippling guilt, but there was no more energy left for that, so he stayed silent.

Dry, body-wracking sobs tapered off into harsh shudders, which, after a few more minutes, calmed into exhausted trembling, the lack of sleep and nutrition finally catching up with the younger. Without so much as another word, Raphael was out cold, heavily resting against his brother.

Leo didn't know whether to be relieved or even more worried. But for right now, he figured, sleep was what his brother needed the most. He could only hope that Raph would be able to catch up on a few hours before the baby woke.

With very slow, very gentle motions, Leonardo eased them into a more comfortable position, shifting with all of his skills so the younger wouldn't wake, until he was resting in his lap, head cushioned on one of his thighs. Then, equally carefully, he reached out to pull the comforter from the bed, covering him with it.

The younger only sighed, twitching ever so slightly before settling back down.

Now, with nothing else to do but wait, Leonardo found his gaze inevitably drawn to the small crib just next to them. And the tiny being inside.

It wasn't hard to imagine why Raph was so overprotective of this little one, even now when they were safe. The baby was beautiful. And in its sleep it seemed absolutely angelic. But also incredibly fragile and vulnerable.

There was more to it than just the residual fear, but it still stung a little that Raphael couldn't trust his brothers or even his father with the child, but it wasn't Leo's place to question that.

His place was to support and help his sibling where he could.

Raphael's place was to recover and heal.


	7. Chapter 7

After the first hour of trying not to move, Leonardo felt his spine starting to protest.

Not enough yet, to risk changing his position and possibly waking his exhausted brother, but enough to become a notable discomfort.

After the second hour, sitting still like a gargoyle on a roof, it started to become really uncomfortable and the oldest brother started to consider moving at least his legs enough to prevent them from falling asleep. But he still didn't give in.

Not when he snuck a glance at Raphael's sleeping face,

Even deeply asleep, he looked so very exhausted. Lips parted and eyes firmly shut, though with a small frown of tension forming a line between his brows. Almost, Leo gave in to the urge of smoothing that away with his thumb, but he thought better of it and remained unmoving for a little while longer.

A little movement in the corner of his eyes caught his attention and instantly, he had to smile. The baby was yawning in his sleep, kicking his small legs before settling back down, suckling on one tiny fist.

It was very hard, resisting the urge to touch, but Leonardo still had some self-control left. In due time, Raph would allow them all to be close to the baby. He just hoped that would happen sooner rather than later.

The baby, in the meantime, seemed to have changed his mind about going back to sleep, blinking open teal eyes, just for a second, before scrunching up his face in an unhappy way.

Leonardo reached out for the little crib, hoping that a little rocking would soothe the infant back to sleep before Raphael woke.

He had no such luck.

A thin, sleepy little whine was all it took to have Raph jerk awake.

Actually, Leo would have been impressed with the speed and agility his sibling portrayed right then, finding himself flat on his back with his growling brother right in his face before he even realized what was happening.

“Raph! It's just me!” The grip the younger had on his arms was becoming increasingly painful, despite the strained trembling in his muscles. “Raph... it's okay.” He tried again, as calmly as he managed.

It took a moment, but finally, Raphael eased up on his iron grip. “Don't touch him!”

“I wasn't. And I won't, I promise.” Another moment and the younger pulled away, blinking, confused and probably just pulling out of sleep properly now.

“Leo... I'm... I didn't-...”

Leonardo just smiled, very slowly sitting back up and moving away from the baby in slow, steady motions. “Don't worry, Raphie... I'll leave you alone now. I didn't mean to startle you.”

“...Sorry...”

“Don't. I understand.” He smiled again, rising to his feet by the door. “I'll go check on Donnie, okay? And you call me if you need anything. I mean it.”

Leonardo didn't want to leave just yet. Not with Raph still bleary-eyed and so out of it.

But by the way he was tensing, already between the crib and Leo, gathering the baby into his protective arms, it was obvious he wouldn't allow any more of the closeness from before. So, with a soundless sigh, Leonardo moved out of the room.

He figured, checking on Donatello actually was a good idea. For one, because the genius was more than likely in a similar state of insomnia as Raphael, and there was something that the oldest brother wanted to discuss.

He followed the soft glow of computer screens towards the lab and entered without bothering to knock.

Donatello was still sitting at his desk, eyes firmly glued to the glowing screen despite the late hour, running more tests and analyzes on the contents of the formula.

They still had a handful of boxes left, but it would only last them a few more weeks, tops. It was not enough to last the baby until he could switch to regular foods. No, they needed more and they needed it before they ran out.

And Donnie, ever one to worry and be restless until a solution was found, couldn't make himself go to bed before he at least made /some/ progress.

The sound of approaching footsteps didn't register with him, until they were a mere few meters behind him. Donatello looked up, giving a soft smile when he spotted Leo. “Hey...”

The older brother returned the smile, if a little worriedly. “Hey. You're still up.”

Donnie didn't even try to look sheepish, simply giving a soft nod. “Yeah... I want to finish this as soon as possible. Raph is so scared for the little one, even without us running out of food. I don't want to risk causing him more worry.”

Leonardo walked up to him, placing warm, comforting hands over tight shoulders.

“You can do it, Donnie. We both know you can. But you need to be well-rested to do it. Or else, you'll turn crazy scientist on us. Again.” The older brother chuckled, remembering an episode of delirious Donatello after three all-nighters in the lab to fix their heating system. By the end of it, Mikey AND Raph had to wrestle him off a pile of car wrecks, giggling and declaring he could build a heater-mobile to accompany them during missions.

Needless to say none of them were too keen on repeating that experience.

And even now, Donnie looked horribly embarrassed. “That was one time, Leo. And I'm not that tired.” As soon as Leonardo's fingers started digging into tense muscles, however, the younger gave a relieved, pleasured groan.

“Hey, Donnie...?” He started carefully.

“Mh...?” And Leo chuckled at the way his brother nearly melted beneath his massaging hands, part of him glad that he could at least provide as much for him. But there was something he needed to discuss.

“Donnie, I think there's something we should-... I mean... I don't really want to ask you, but-...” The odd and sudden tightness in his throat was uncommon and he swallowed. Before he could try phrasing his question again, chocolate-colored eyes rose to meet his own, followed by a knowing smile from his brother.

“It's about that lab, right? You think we need closure. And we need to make sure nobody will get their hands on anything related to our brother.”

Leonardo blinked at that, taken aback. He needed a moment to get over the fact that Donnie could read him just this easily /and/ draw such conclusions from whatever he read in his words or expression. Once he had recovered, the older brother chuckled quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to Donnie's forehead.

“Sometimes I forget just how smart you are. So... are you with me?” He sobered a little. “I don't want to involve Mikey, he...”

Donatello shook his head. “No, you're right. He's still too shaken-up from what Raph told us. It wouldn't be good to drag him into this. I don't think going back with the knowledge of what happened and actually seeing the labs again and... whatever is left of Raph and those experiments... I don't think he'd be able to deal with that.”

“Can you deal?”

Donatello barely paused at all. “I consider myself a scientist. I know what is waiting for us in the worst of cases, Leo. I can deal.” Chocolate-colored eyes rose to meet Leonardo's. “Can you?”

At that, Leo hesitated, questioning that.

Could he?

Could he deal with returning to a lab full of horrible experiments, full of death and tiny, tiny corpses, knowing full well that they were Raphael's?

He swallowed dryly, forcing down the bitter taste of bile.

He didn't want to. He really didn't. If it was just him, just the private part of himself, he would be more than content with putting that behind himself. Just be glad Raph was back and forget that awful lab even existed.

But that was no real option. Not when any of them wanted to really get over what happened.

They needed to end it.

And that, he could do.

A short, sure nod. “I can. I need to be able to. For him. Because if we don't, the knowledge that the lab and his data, his experiments still exist will eat him. And that is something I will not make him suffer through, on top of everything else. If there's something he can really do without, it's even more worries.”

Donatello nodded as well and – regretfully – pulled away from those massaging hands, sighing and stretching until he heard his spine pop audibly. “Looks like I should catch some sleep, then. I'll prepare a few things we'll need... and then go to bed.” They shared a look. “Meet me at 5?”

The oldest brother nodded. “Yes, rest up. I'll do the same. With some luck, we'll be quick enough to be back before anyone notices we're gone.” A small grin flashed on his face, despite the grim nature of their plan. “Full ninja mode.”

Sharing a short, warm hug, they moved to their bedrooms, trying to catch a few hours of sleep.

.

Raphael startled awake at muffled noises, coming from outside of his door.

Blinking against the confused sleepiness, he pulled himself up from his uncomfortable position on the floor, where he had nodded off without noticing.

Immediately, Raphael leaned over the makeshift crib, watching the peacefully snoozing infant. With a tiny hiccup, the baby stretched one arm, before settling down again, pasting a warm, wide smile onto Raphael's face.

Leaning in, he blew the softest of kisses on a chubby cheek, very careful not to disturb the little one's rest, before he silently pulled himself to his feet, listening to the small noises outside.

He heard Leo and Donnie talking, hushed voices, quiet rustles. They sounded worried, so Raphael pushed his door open a little further, peeking out.

Almost instantly, both brothers in the hall froze, looking over to Raphael. Leonardo handed the large bag in his arms to Donatello, looking serious. “Take them, Donnie. Go and prepare everything.”

Donnie lifted the bag, nodding, and rushed over to his lab, leaving Raphael to stare in irritated confusion at his remaining brother. Leonardo did meet his gaze, but with an uncommon air of uncertainty about him.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Raphael frowned, especially when the oldest brother straightened and stepped over to him with that same, odd nervousness about him. “Leo, I swear, I'm not in the mood for-”

“Listen, Raph.” At the tone of voice his brother used, Raphael paused, still frowning, though he didn't pull away, even when Leo reached out to take his hand in both of his own.

The older brother took a slow breath. “Listen... Donnie and I went back to the lab.”

Green eyes widened, Raphael's expression stuck somewhere between panic and startled rage. “You WHAT? Why?!”

“To make sure its gone.” At that, the younger went silent, still-wide eyes staring at his brother, wordlessly demanding an explanation.

Leo sighed. “Donnie and I went back there to make sure there is nothing left. No trace of you. No trace that any of it ever happened. We copied the data from their computers, then destroyed them all. In fact, we blew the whole place up.”

“Why would-... Data?” Raphael started to tremble, paling as his sibling's words sunk in.

“To have as much info on the baby's growth and health as possible. There might be something useful in those files that can help us at some point. Donnie will look through them.”

The hand in Leonardo's grip had gone cold and clammy, holding on tighter to fight off the trembles. “D-Donnie shouldn't... he shouldn't have to...”

“It's only text files and data sheets, Raph. You know Donnie can deal with those. It's just numbers and data to him. Nothing else, and-” Leonardo stopped when he saw just how pale his sibling had become, moving instinctively to support his weight when Raphael's knees gave in.

“Easy, Raph, easy... I got you...” Helping him sit down on the floor, Leonardo knelt next to him, wrapping a comforting arm around shaking shoulders. “Take a slow breath.” He instructed gently, watching as his distraught sibling nodded and let out a slow exhale, managing to calm himself somewhat.

“There you go. Look, there is more I need to tell you, but first, I'll go get you some tea and make a snack, okay? You look like you need a breather.” The taller brother made to get up, but was stopped by shaking hands grabbing on to his arm.

“No. No, tell me now! Please...” Leonardo frowned, hesitation written all over his expression.

“Raph... you're upset enough. I'm sure it's better to-”

“Please, Leo!

Sighing, the older brother nodded, sitting back down and looking at his still-pale brother. “After we copied the data, we set up the explosives. Just before we were ready to leave, however, we... found something. There...” And he paused again, unsure about how Raphael would deal with the news. Green eyes begged for him to continue, however, and he did so, if with very careful words.

“We discovered several more eggs. Most.. most of them were very small, none were hatched. We... we took the biggest ones with us, then blew up the place. We made very sure to be thorough with that. There will be no traces of you left.”

“Leo...” Raph's voice was shaking so bad that Leo took both of his hands now, trying to give him something to hold on to.

“Donnie is taking the eggs into his lab to see if... if they are alive. Look, Raph... I won't lie to you. There is no way to tell if the eggs are fine or not. And...” Now, serious blue eyes met green, a certain firmness in them.

“Raph. Until Donnie knows how the eggs are and whether there's something in them or not, you will not enter the lab. You will not go in there without my permission.”

Raph all but bristled. “Don't you DARE tell me-”

“THIS, Raphael, is a direct order.” Leonardo's voice was firm, but calm, the tone demanding obedience. “I will NOT risk you having to see any more horrible experiments. Donnie and I will look after the eggs. And as soon as we can safely say they're alive or not, we will immediately let you know.”

Much gentler, he added. “I promise, Raphie. Just concentrate on your baby and yourself now. Leave the rest to us.” Leonardo smiled a little at the floored expression on Raphael's features.

“You took them home...”

Something in the younger's features changed, realization dawning on him as the full meaning of Leonardo's words hit home. And then, there were sudden, thick tears running down his cheeks.

Leo was taken aback by that, worry etching into his own features. “Raph, we still don't know if they're even alive.” There was a short moment of fear that he had chosen the wrong words, maybe raising hopes where there were none to be had.

Raphael wouldn't get over that. He couldn't risk it.

Before he could say more, Raphael spoke, easing those worries.

“D-Doesn't matter... it doesn't matter. They're here. They're home and not... not THERE. Leo, you... you went back and brought them home..!” His breath hitched horribly, but there was a bright glow in wet, green eyes.

And just like that, understanding dawned on Leo.

He understood.

Even if the eggs were non-viable. Even if they were empty. No matter if they lived, died or already were dead within the shells. They were safe here, they would be treated with love and dignity, instead of being cut into pieces and disposed like medical waste.

Pulling Raphael closer with one arm, Leo pressed a soft kiss to his head. “I promise we'll be careful with them. And I promise I will tell you as soon as there's news on them. And you will promise me that you will take it slow and look after yourself and the baby.”

It wasn't really a question, but the younger sibling nodded into Leo's shoulder, murmuring his agreement.

They sat like that for a little while longer, until Raphael had recovered from the excitement enough to find the strength to get up on his feet again, returning to his sleeping son's crib after sharing another small hug with his brother.

Leonardo watched as he disappeared back into his room, then made his way over to Donnie's lab, where he could hear him type away at his computer.


End file.
